You should expect that anything you post on social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc., can and will be used against you in your divorce case or post-divorce case.  However, you don’t need to delete all your social networking profiles, provided you understand that a family law judge may read them one day.  If you are comfortable with that, keep using social media.  However, you should probably limit your social media to photos, videos and matters that are innocuous, i.e. matters that are not controversial or offensive.  Dull is good when it comes to social networking sites and divorce matters.

     I recall one former client who testified in court that she never drank alcohol.  However, her social network profile had a picture of her partying with her friends and clearly having a drink.

      A number of attorneys now search social networking sites to get background information, i.e. “dirt” on their client’s spouse or ex-spouse.

     What about e-mail?  Assume that your spouse is able to read all of your e-mail.  So, if you are starting the divorce process, get a new e-mail account. Better yet, if you can afford it, get a new computer—preferably a laptop so you can take it with you.  If you are sharing a computer with your soon to be ex-spouse, assume that you have no privacy and that he/she can and will not only read and copy all of your e-mails, but they will also know each web site you have visited.

Finally, if your spouse leaves the residence, you should still get a new computer or have your computer swept for spyware.  I know of one case where a husband left a very specific type of spyware on the home computer and he could read every e-mail that his wife wrote or received and every web site she visited, even though he no longer lived at home.

This all may sound a bit paranoid, but forewarned is forearmed.

An ounce of prevention in the digital age—where information travels at the speed of light—can be worth a pound of cure.

     A cost-effective and practical solution to overcoming this problem is for the parties to hire one neutral CPA/forensic accountant to work on the financial issues and prepare a business valuation.   Obviously, this requires the “in-spouse” to cooperate fully and provide all documents requested by the CPA/forensic accountant.   The CPA/forensic accountant can work with both parties and their mediator to come up with financial plans and division of property based on the parties’ realistic financial needs.   The hiring of the CPA/forensic accountant can be without prejudice to either party so neither party is bound to accept the business valuation.  Because the joint CPA/forensic is a neutral he/she can meet with each party individually to explain the business valuation report.    Each party is also free to hire their own CPA/forensic to review the work of the neutral CPA/forensic.  This is still less expensive than both parties hiring thier own CPA/forensic. 

     This approach is especially effective in cases where there is no money to finance litigation.   Once upon a time, parties would use the equity in their homes to hire experts such as CPA/forensic accountants and conduct extensive discovery in an effort to determine the value of a small family business.   Today, with little or no equity in their homes, parties have no “bank” upon which to draw these funds.   However, even where equity or other funds may exist to finance litigation, parties need to ask themselves whether spending all that money will ultimately make sense.

     However, it is both sexist and just plain wrong to assume that only women can receive spousal support and that women never pay spousal support to men.   The California Family Code is gender neutral and family law courts can and routinely do order wives and ex-wives to pay spousal support to their husbands or ex-husbands.

     Remember, that unless otherwise agreed, spousal support payments are tax deductible to the payor and are taxable to the payee.   However, to obtain the tax deduction, there must be either a court order, judgment or written agreement requiring one party to pay spousal support to the other.

     Here in California, there is a presumption that in a short term marriage, which is defined as a marriage of less than 10 years, spousal support will last no more than one-half the length of the marriage.   However, that is presumption and can be rebutted.   Importantly, a party receiving spousal support should always keep in mind that it is the public policy of the State of California that they become self-supporting within a reasonable period of time, and the failure to do so may be one of the factors a family court considers in reducing or terminating spousal support.

“Don’t let or allow your children to lose their childhood in your divorce.”

“You don’t have to have 50/50 custody to be a 50/50 parent.  Quantity of time is less important than the relationship you build with your child.”

“Don’t abdicate responsbility for your bad behavior to your lawyers.”

Once upon a time, a Los Angeles Superior Court family law judge was hearing a case where there was no name on the child’s birth certificate. Mom and dad each had attorneys and they both asked the judge to assign the child “their” requested name.  The judge happened to be retiring two days later.  He warned the parties to settle or he “would” pick a name.  There was no agreement, and after a break the judge took the bench and he entered an order naming the baby.  However, the judge did not select either of the requested names.  Instead, the judge named the baby after himself!  It was then suspected that the parties went into the hallway and settled their fight.

     Mediation involves two parties sitting down with a neutral, experienced family law attorney, who is also trained mediator.  Not all family law attorneys have mediation training, so it is important to find one who has both mediation training and experience.

     Unlike litigation in court, mediation is a private and confidential process. The confidentiality component of mediation prevents the parties from testifying in court about what happened in mediation and/or from calling the mediator as a witness in any court proceeding.  This makes mediation a safe place for parties to freely discuss all of their issues, without fear that what they say will be used against them in court.

     The parties will sit down with their mediator and work to divide up their community property assets and debts and confirm separate property assets.  If the parties have minor children, the mediator will help them work out a timeshare plan for themselves and their children.  The parties will also work with the mediator to determine child support and spousal support (alimony), if any.  This does not have to be a lengthy process, but like Rome, a mediation agreement to end a marriage is not built in one day.

     As a first step, both parties will prepare the required asset, debt and financial disclosure documents.  The parties will list all of their property, debts, income and investment opportunities. Failure to do so can result in severe penalties.  The mediator can assist the parties in this requirement. This is far less expensive then having attorneys conduct formal discovery, such as depositions, interrogatories and demands for production of documents, since parties in mediation will voluntarily provide each other all documents needed for a full and fair disclosure of their property, debts, income and investment opportunities.

     However, the mediator does not represent either party and the parties are free to consult with their own attorneys throughout the mediation process.  Even where parties do not consult with their own attorneys throughout the mediation process, the mediator should encourage both parties to have their final Agreement/Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage reviewed by a consulting attorney before it is signed.

     What happened if parties in mediation disagree about custody of the children?  Instead of litigating in court, they can hire a neutral third party mental health expert—someone with experience in child custody issues—to assist them in resolving a custody dispute.  Parties can also retain a neutral third party expert to help them value a business or personal property, such as antiques, art, jewelry and the like.

     Because both parties usually split the cost of mediation, they both have a financial incentive to make the mediation process work.  Mediation has been shown to be at least two-thirds less expensive than litigation.  Parties who mediate never have to take time off from work to go to court, attend a deposition or work on answering volumes of discovery such as interrogatories.  Unlike the rigid hours of court, mediation hours are flexible and the environment is non-threatening.  You can dress casually and have coffee, water, juice or soft drink with you in mediation.  If your cell phone goes off in mediation, you can answer it. If your cell phone goes off in the courtroom, the bailiff may take it away from you.

     Sometimes parties in mediation will want to talk to the mediator privately.  This is called a “caucus.”  Anything said by a party in a “caucus” is confidential, unless that party permits the mediator to disclose the information to the other party.  Sometimes a party needs to express feelings to a mediator that they currently are unable to express to the other party. Often a mediator can help them frame their feelings or more narrowly focus an issue, which can then more easily be presented to the other party.

     If you and your spouse are serious about resolving your divorce issues, then mediation is the best path to take.  You and your spouse will conserve financial resources, which is no small thing.  Your divorce can be concluded quickly and efficiently because you will avoid the lengthy process of litigation.  If your are still not convinced, ask anyone whose been through the family law litigation process.